Toilet Paper Tantrum

Okay so yesterday's post was pretty heavy but today will definitely top that because I'm talking about the most serious issue around; and that issue is toilet paper.

My dad took my grocery list the other day and offered to do my grocery shopping. I thought this was a kind gesture so I obliged. It wasn't until he returned with generic brands of things that I realized I was duped. The brand of toilet paper that he bought me is akin to wiping your ass with bible pages. Like I'm pretty sure homeless people have access to better toilet paper than this. I was enraged. He is sitting home wiping his ass with a fucking chenille throw and I'm stuck with sandpaper. Absolutely not okay.

Toilet paper says a lot about you as a person. If you have low quality toilet paper it says you don't care about your ass or vajay (if you have one, eww) and that is like the most personal part of you. So if you neglect that then you must have no self respect whatsoever and you can't be a part of my life. Toilet paper is like our asshole's pillow and if you wouldn't sleep on a rock then your asshole shouldn't be either. Bottom (pun intended) line.