Connecticunt Weather

*WARNING* ALARMING AMOUNTS OF FUCKERY AHEAD *WARNING*

It is 35 degrees today. In April. Not even the beginning of April, the motherfucking middle of April, bordering on the end of April. I'm right now in my bed scared to open the curtains because allegedly it was snowing last night. In the middle of April. I had a whole post I was going to do today about Coachella but instead I have to do a post on this fucked up weather in New England. Why do they even call it "New England"? It's like old England but without the cool accents. FUCK. But I digress. Ever since I was shoveling waist deep snow in February I knew this season was going to be extra cunty; little did I know that it would linger into the middle of Spring.

I was wearing shorts and a tank top two days ago. Now I have to wear sweatpants and hoodies. SWEATPANTS AND HOODIES. Are you kidding me, mother nature? You nasty old bag. I made a promise that if I saw anymore snow I was going to chop down a tree for every inch. Well, bitch, you called my bluff but I'm not bluffing. I will be outside with a can of hairspray that I am going to empty into the atmosphere while I hack away at one of your baby trees before it even has potential. That's right, I'm going all Game of Thrones "Red Wedding" on your ass and you are motherfucking Lady Catelyn.

I've literally had it with this weather in this horrible fucking state. Not only is there nothing to do here and no interesting people to talk to, there are also never-ending horrible weather conditions. Like it's no wonder so many people around here end up being drug addicts and murderers. I say fuck health care, we should be paying for the government to put a big heating lamp right over this awful state. If we have to suffer through soccer moms and douchey bros then at least give us good weather. But I forgot I live in Connecticunt. Good things aren't allowed to happen here.

Sorry for the rant but if I didn't do it I was probably going to have to be committed to a psychiatric ward.