Dating Tips 101

Last night I watched "Online Dating Rituals of the American Male" on Bravo and even though I thought I'd hate it, I actually loved it. I think a lot of my love for it came from one of the "disaster dates" that they showcased where a guy, Marcus, goes on a date with a girl, Mindy, who is glorious in every way. Here's a clip of her in action:




This was before she asked her date if he had to poop and also said "There's a lot of gay dates going on. I support them." I am eagerly awaiting her spin-off reality show.

In watching this episode I realized I have some first date tips of my own that I tend to follow pretty strictly. I mean, I'm single so I don't know how good they work, but I've also never been dumped so that must mean something.

Tip 1: Be Open
The best way to wreck the first date awkwardness is to just be open with the person you're dating. Let's face it, if things go well they are going to get to know you anyway so don't hide it on the first date. I don't think any topic is off the table as long as every conversation doesn't begin and end with your ex. If you are still hung up on an ex then don't date. Get over him/her and then get out there. Nothing is more boring than listening to someone complain the entire date about their ex. But other than that, I say unload the baggage. Come from a broken home? I want to hear about it. Mental disorder? I definitely want to hear about it. Mental disorders are the new six pack as long as you can form sentences and don't have a twitch.

Tip 2: Don't be a whore
I think one of my tricks is to not hookup on the first date. It sounds so traditional and republican but it really is a smart move. If you give it up on date #1 then the mystery is over and the person might not realize how fucking awesome you are and then never talk to you again. Part of the way to win a heart is to be the forbidden fruit. Making them work for the goods is always in your favor. Now I'm not saying you can't make out, actually I encourage it, but no below the belt action. #lipslut

Tip 3: Flirt
Flirting is such a subtle thing but is so important. You can't for a second let them think you aren't interested even if you aren't. It's always good to have options and sometimes your opinion can change. I remember I went on a date once and this guy was really boring but I kept my flirt face on and the next day I realized he was actually sort of interesting and I was probably just in a mood so I went out again and had a great time. On the second date he told me he used to play Aladdin at Disney World so I knew it would never work out but that's besides the point.

Tip 4: Don't eat heavy food
So many first dates are dinner dates which I personally can't stand. I get the whole "we get to sit down and talk with each other" thing but I think there are a bunch of ways you can do that without having to worry about eating a full meal. I'm not the biggest eater so I usually pick on food if I go out to dinner on a date. This then tends to lead to the server commenting on how I didn't eat and then making the date feel like I didn't enjoy the food and that they chose a bad place to eat. So much stress just because I don't like eating. What I've begun doing is getting appetizers. I usually can finish one or two appetizers and that way I look like I ate a ton when I really didn't. But my overall recommendation is to not eat heavy. The last thing you want on a first date is a surprise appearance by Ed (explosive diarrhea) and then have to end your date early to go home with Ed. No bueno.

Tip 5: Don't make a trip home
I used to break this rule all of the time when I dated. The date would start to round down and then they would either invite me to their place or I'd invite them to mine. This usually leads to breaking rule #2 but more importantly it brings them into a more personal space than they should be on a first date. After a first date you need to go home alone, calm down, and think about the date and how you felt about the other person. If you bring them to your home then they get to learn a lot more about you personally than you do about them. Same if you go to their home. Either way it creates an imbalance in the relationship early on which is no good. I say no home dates until the 4th date at least. I recommend three dates doing three different things in three different settings (i.e. dinner at a restaurant, seeing a movie, drinks at a bar) before you commit to a home visit. This lets you see the person in different environments and helps you get a good look into how they really are. I mean, the last thing you want is someone who ends up being psycho knowing where you live.

So those are my tips on dating. I have tons more but I think those are five solid ones that should get you through the toughest parts of dating. If you have tips, leave them in the comments below. Also if you have dating questions leave them in the comments below and I'll answer them in an upcoming post.